Words. Uncertainties. Complacency.

Writing is all know and probably all I ever will. Quotes are words we wanted to say ourselves. 

Nothing is making sense but relating to pages of books rather than actual daily existence. Yeah, most of my surroundings - work and organization/community related - bear me interest no more. Graduate studies gets me going. All I want to spend my time is with my unreachable boyf who is literally-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-and-I-can't-complain-about-it, my aging parents who I should be pouring my attention to or ideally, spend time with my own beloved self and READ more.

Something is bothering which I don't want to acknowledge though taking the time to write about it means it sort of matters. I am bothered of what has to become and more of what to do in what will become so I won't be anxious and all fidgety and spaced out like what I am now. It bothers, whatever "it" is, because of the fact that life is composed of decisions per muscular movement based and those decisions should lead to making one's self relevant enough to take care of things which has far more relevance i.e. world peace. I don't even know what "it" is exactly about.

I suck at work: in the attendance and friend-making department. Like totally. I am tardy almost everyday and I'm usually offline in our company messenger. I'm okay with the technical stuff I guess; I am able to cope. But not at engaging someone in a coversation about it - which sucks 'coz I am looking forward to having a stimulating conversation with someone about computer networks and stuff.. But yeah, basically I am in the phase of not wanting to face reality heads on. Just me and my usual things-will-come-into-place complacency and the temptation to tell myself that I cannot decide on my own - which of course I am very capable of. Something tells me that I am better than what I think I am but I cannot find the spark of audacity so I can do better. What I know is that I need to improve on getting my attendance back on the right track and be more sociable maybe. Live more in the present than worry about the future or regret about the past? I'm not sure why I've been aloof lately thus ignoring people and other circumstances but I am also certain that I am not here to please anyone. 

Right, I need ze boyfriend just for the sole reason of his sheer existence.

xoxo