A prayer has been guiding me lately:
Dear Lord, please grant me SERENITY to accept what cannot be changed, COURAGE to persevere of what can be and WISDOM to know the difference..
My mind has been kind of distraught lately. I recently figured out it might be because of changes that are ever inevitable and my resistance to compensate. I have been contemplating for a while now on submitting my resignation to FUEL. Now that the Praise and Worship Concert has been successful, God's work was victorious after all, as it always have been. But the stained relationship I have with the rest of the coordinating body, the stained trust I have left for them and how we get along is not the same as what we once had. They're complicated people and as much as I try to figure them out, being superficially indulged becomes unnecessarily apparent from them. Sure I have to consider that they are also flawed, as much as I am, but egotism is something which I don't want to waste my time on. I've learned that we can doubt people, but when the intentions are purified, the Lord takes over and places everything in the right track. God chooses different kinds of people to serve Him. This difference should be taken to compliment each one's strength and weaknesses. To submit my resignation or just to forget about it, that, as I mentioned earlier, am still mulling over.
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| 1st Christmas together circa 2011 |
I've learned that the world can never be perfect as much as we dream it to be and as it once was, but the Adam and Eve stuff had to take place and punishment should be realized. Imperfection is deliberate for us to be reminded to call on our Creator when things seem to go out of hand. Having to accept the fact that the person you chose to love, and fell in love with, will only be occasionally there beside you at times when you need him the most is not easy. The very first person you want to call when anything, however irrelevant happens, won't be there, maybe temporarily, to listen. Just when you're supposed to be happy that you've finally found someone whom you can see yourself spending time in the future with, unchangeable circumstances i.e. reality has to knock and say "Hey, enjoy the time that you're still together. He'll be back in the middle of the ocean anytime soon and you won't hear from him for a couple or three weeks again." Easy. Easier to get discouraged. But the amount of anticipation or love (yeah) however cheesy and cliche it may sound and whatever inexplicably auspicious emotion exists in between, is much greater than letting go of a treasured relationship. It sure does require a huge dose of faith, trust and patience but the reward is beyond comparable than it's cost. Cge nalang, I couldn't see myself with someone else other than this guy who lost me in his charm, wits, humor and principles :)
Heck, it has been barely a week since this LDR I have with the sailor guy but it already feels like forever! When he was still around, I already missed being with him in a nine hour span from work. I was giddy everyday for my shift to end. What more could happen during a two-three week duration before I could hear his voice again and a tormenting nine month before I could hold him again. To top that, this has to go on until death do us part! Assuming that we end up getting married in which we already made plans. Awwwwe. Some things are truly easier said than done. I've figured that the key is never to forget to look up and call upon His Name when things get rough. And a bunch of faith to face everyday being the best person one can be! xoxo
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| 1st Skype Date on board <3 |
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I've just finished reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. Guilty to say, it was my first ever book read by the acclaimed author. I might have been too busy in the past but yeah. Well I've just rekindled my bookwormy self so Im'ma be reading tons of stuff from now. The Last Song brought me into tears, more tears that I have shed when I was reading The Fault in Our Stars. I endlessly cried starting from the part when Ronnie found out that her father was sick. From that chapter on up to the last page, I cannot keep my tears from falling even when I was taking calls. It was just soooo heart breakingggg! Perhaps it is inevitable that we try to relate our own stories with the characters in the book. I couldn't agree more about summer flings (sembreak / vacation fling - LOL) and a daughter's love to her parents. So yeah, I think I'll catch myself reading more books these days.. Goodreads is my favorite now! xoxo
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Last week, our monthly sched at work has been disseminated. I initially flunked in despair seeing my name at the 6PM shift. What have I done wrong? (Of course I know: I came to work tardy almost everyday for the past month and my relationship skills with ze workmates hasn't been at it's best just because I'm not into small talks, but still!) Good thing two other agents felt the same, at least for the sched part. Now I'm back to the 6AM shift! Hooray! The night diff could've been a bit tempting but the long term effects were far more valuable. I can still live a normal life being in the morning shift. I'm aware that I gotta be thankful with this perfect 6AM Fri-Sat rest day sched and should not take this for granted. It's just that everyday uncertainties takes it toll at times. Justifiably being needy, it still could've been better if boyf was around. xoxo
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