I just got back to work from my four-day voice rest. I nearly didn't want to show up today! I guess I just had a great time during that "short" vacation. But of course I need to work now else I won't have any salary to keep me alive.
Basically, I spent those four-day "rest" with my beau, (ahh it feels good to say that!) who took care of me least I can ever imagine. If only there wasn't a need to think of the future, I could've cuddled with him thy kingdom come. Y'know not stay away from his side for what seems like forever. But let's go back to reality, we need to work our energy off to survive in this crazy world. Before I met this guy, all I wanted was to be of help to those who are less fortunate than I am. When he came, not that I lost that passion, but my priority seemed to drastically shift into making him happy. Everything else like career pursuance, higher education, organizational activities and all other stuffs seemed pretty less important - aside from my parents though, relatives and a few friends. Makes me just want to settle down...
We both have different orientation of how to perceive the world but it still boils down to being responsible enough to take care of your own self and those who are around us.
My anxiousness to settle down rounds to the uncertainties of what has to come.
- Giving up the organization I promised the Lord that I would serve, and of the disappointment I would get from my fellow officers if I leave them in the air (as much as I already want to)
- Work, it's not as exciting. It has come to be very routinary and the vast scope induces very less enthusiasm. Whether it has something to do with my workmates or not, the absence of fulfillment wants me to go out and just explore. Did I mention I have issues with being attached to the people around me? Yeah.
- I really wanted to get involved in development work / research study / government participation and of the like. What's keeping me from doing that is, maybe, I don't know where to start. With the graduate studies of Public Management that I am taking up right now, I can't seem to come up with decent/acceptable-in-such-level requirements which are being asked from us. Most probably because I am not in the field yet and/or I don't have any background about the subject. That, or I just have less courage being carried around.
- Gettin' preggo. It is literally the last thing in my mind right now.
Beau makes me very happy nowadays that I don't need to put the interest of others above mine. His mere presence gets me lost into another kind of dimension wherein I can pretend that it can be happily ever after by his side, just him and me, and that no amount of effort/hard work needs to be exerted. But of course we know there is. And such knowledge has to be credited to our friend named Reality. Reality of having to choose a daily decision in making the world a better place to be - in our own little responsible way. ♥
