Mulling over and Being an LDR Newbie

Written below are my existent thoughts in print.
A prayer has been guiding me lately:

Dear Lord, please grant me SERENITY to accept what cannot be changed, COURAGE to persevere of what can be and WISDOM to know the difference..

My mind has been kind of distraught lately. I recently figured out it might be because of changes that are ever inevitable and my resistance to compensate. I have been contemplating for a while now on submitting my resignation to FUEL. Now that the Praise and Worship Concert has been successful, God's work was victorious after all, as it always have been. But the stained relationship I have with the rest of the coordinating body, the stained trust I have left for them and how we get along is not the same as what we once had. They're complicated people and as much as I try to figure them out, being superficially indulged becomes unnecessarily apparent from them. Sure I have to consider that they are also flawed, as much as I am, but egotism is something which I don't want to waste my time on. I've learned that we can doubt people, but when the intentions are purified, the Lord takes over and places everything in the right track. God chooses different kinds of people to serve Him. This difference should be taken to compliment each one's strength and weaknesses. To submit my resignation or just to forget about it, that, as I mentioned earlier, am still mulling over.

1st Christmas together circa 2011

I've learned that the world can never be perfect as much as we dream it to be and as it once was, but the Adam and Eve stuff had to take place and punishment should be realized. Imperfection is deliberate for us to be reminded to call on our Creator when things seem to go out of hand. Having to accept the fact that the person you chose to love, and fell in love with, will only be occasionally there beside you at times when you need him the most is not easy. The very first person you want to call when anything, however irrelevant happens, won't be there, maybe temporarily, to listen. Just when you're supposed to be happy that you've finally found someone whom you can see yourself spending time in the future with, unchangeable circumstances i.e. reality has to knock and say "Hey, enjoy the time that you're still together. He'll be back in the middle of the ocean anytime soon and you won't hear from him for a couple or three weeks again." Easy. Easier to get discouraged. But the amount of anticipation or love (yeah) however cheesy and cliche it may sound and whatever inexplicably auspicious emotion exists in between, is much greater than letting go of a treasured relationship. It sure does require a huge dose of faith, trust and patience but the reward is beyond comparable than it's cost. Cge nalang, I couldn't see myself with someone else other than this guy who lost me in his charm, wits, humor and principles :)

Heck, it has been barely a week since this LDR I have with the sailor guy but it already feels like forever! When he was still around, I already missed being with him in a nine hour span from work. I was giddy everyday for my shift to end. What more could happen during a two-three week duration before I could hear his voice again and a tormenting nine month before I could hold him again. To top that, this has to go on until death do us part! Assuming that we end up getting married in which we already made plans. Awwwwe. Some things are truly easier said than done. I've figured that the key is never to forget to look up and call upon His Name when things get rough. And a bunch of faith to face everyday being the best person one can be! xoxo

1st Skype Date on board <3

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I've just finished reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. Guilty to say, it was my first ever book read by the acclaimed author. I might have been too busy in the past but yeah. Well I've just rekindled my bookwormy self so Im'ma be reading tons of stuff from now. The Last Song brought me into tears, more tears that I have shed when I was reading The Fault in Our Stars. I endlessly cried starting from the part when Ronnie found out that her father was sick. From that chapter on up to the last page, I cannot keep my tears from falling even when I was taking calls. It was just soooo heart breakingggg! Perhaps it is inevitable that we try to relate our own stories with the characters in the book. I couldn't agree more about summer flings (sembreak / vacation fling - LOL) and a daughter's love to her parents. So yeah, I think I'll catch myself reading more books these days.. Goodreads is my favorite now! xoxo

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Last week, our monthly sched at work has been disseminated. I initially flunked in despair seeing my name at the 6PM shift. What have I done wrong? (Of course I know: I came to work tardy almost everyday for the past month and my relationship skills with ze workmates hasn't been at it's best just because I'm not into small talks, but still!) Good thing two other agents felt the same, at least for the sched part. Now I'm back to the 6AM shift! Hooray! The night diff could've been a bit tempting but the long term effects were far more valuable. I can still live a normal life being in the morning shift. I'm aware that I gotta be thankful with this perfect 6AM Fri-Sat rest day sched and should not take this for granted. It's just that everyday uncertainties takes it toll at times. Justifiably being needy, it still could've been better if boyf was around. xoxo

Words. Uncertainties. Complacency.

Writing is all know and probably all I ever will. Quotes are words we wanted to say ourselves. 

Nothing is making sense but relating to pages of books rather than actual daily existence. Yeah, most of my surroundings - work and organization/community related - bear me interest no more. Graduate studies gets me going. All I want to spend my time is with my unreachable boyf who is literally-in-the-middle-of-the-ocean-and-I-can't-complain-about-it, my aging parents who I should be pouring my attention to or ideally, spend time with my own beloved self and READ more.

Something is bothering which I don't want to acknowledge though taking the time to write about it means it sort of matters. I am bothered of what has to become and more of what to do in what will become so I won't be anxious and all fidgety and spaced out like what I am now. It bothers, whatever "it" is, because of the fact that life is composed of decisions per muscular movement based and those decisions should lead to making one's self relevant enough to take care of things which has far more relevance i.e. world peace. I don't even know what "it" is exactly about.

I suck at work: in the attendance and friend-making department. Like totally. I am tardy almost everyday and I'm usually offline in our company messenger. I'm okay with the technical stuff I guess; I am able to cope. But not at engaging someone in a coversation about it - which sucks 'coz I am looking forward to having a stimulating conversation with someone about computer networks and stuff.. But yeah, basically I am in the phase of not wanting to face reality heads on. Just me and my usual things-will-come-into-place complacency and the temptation to tell myself that I cannot decide on my own - which of course I am very capable of. Something tells me that I am better than what I think I am but I cannot find the spark of audacity so I can do better. What I know is that I need to improve on getting my attendance back on the right track and be more sociable maybe. Live more in the present than worry about the future or regret about the past? I'm not sure why I've been aloof lately thus ignoring people and other circumstances but I am also certain that I am not here to please anyone. 

Right, I need ze boyfriend just for the sole reason of his sheer existence.

xoxo

The Need to Go Back

I just got back to work from my four-day voice rest. I nearly didn't want to show up today! I guess I just had a great time during that "short" vacation. But of course I need to work now else I won't have any salary to keep me alive.

Basically, I spent those four-day "rest" with my beau, (ahh it feels good to say that!) who took care of me least I can ever imagine. If only there wasn't a need to think of the future, I could've cuddled with him thy kingdom come. Y'know not stay away from his side for what seems like forever. But let's go back to reality, we need to work our energy off to survive in this crazy world. Before I met this guy, all I wanted was to be of help to those who are less fortunate than I am. When he came, not that I lost that passion, but my priority seemed to drastically shift into making him happy. Everything else like career pursuance, higher education, organizational activities and all other stuffs seemed pretty less important - aside from my parents though, relatives and a few friends. Makes me just want to settle down...

We both have different orientation of how to perceive the world but it still boils down to being responsible enough to take care of your own self and those who are around us. 

My anxiousness to settle down rounds to the uncertainties of what has to come. 

• Giving up the organization I promised the Lord that I would serve, and of the disappointment I would get from my fellow officers if I leave them in the air (as much as I already want to) 
• Work, it's not as exciting. It has come to be very routinary and the vast scope induces very less enthusiasm. Whether it has something to do with my workmates or not, the absence of fulfillment wants me to go out and just explore. Did I mention I have issues with being attached to the people around me? Yeah.
• I really wanted to get involved in development work / research study / government participation and of the like. What's keeping me from doing that is, maybe, I don't know where to start. With the graduate studies of Public Management that I am taking up right now, I can't seem to come up with decent/acceptable-in-such-level requirements which are being asked from us. Most probably because I am not in the field yet and/or I don't have any background about the subject. That, or I just have less courage being carried around.
• Gettin' preggo. It is literally the last thing in my mind right now. 

Beau makes me very happy nowadays that I don't need to put the interest of others above mine. His mere presence gets me lost into another kind of dimension wherein I can pretend that it can be happily ever after by his side, just him and me, and that no amount of effort/hard work needs to be exerted. But of course we know there is. And such knowledge has to be credited to our friend named Reality. Reality of having to choose a daily decision in making the world a better place to be - in our own little responsible way. ♥

Partying. What If's and What nots.

Last Saturday night, I went out with my cousin and two of her friends. Later on, her, shall we say - fling, came over bringing another friend. That was one hell of a Saturday night I'll never do again - though it was sumkindasortof fun. But I'm going nowhere if I do that too often, hell maybe.

Not-so-loved-and-taken-care-of cousin has been bugging me for a while now that we go out and party. I know she means well. She's my only cousin in my mother side who actually reaches out to me. One reason might be because we're of the same age but we have a totally. different. personality. Things which don't run in the blood. Drinking, smoking, partying, not to mention the f word, is just her kind of FUN, but definitely maybe not mine - or not anymore. Not that I'm coming clean or something, I have to admit I willingly did those things before, but I am supposed to be done on that phase of my teenage days and I am striving to become better.

Network Configuration and Public Management

So basically,  I'm currently stuck in limbo into relating both subjects:

VLAN Network Switch Routing

VS.

Scoial Development esp. in alleviating the Poor

I Beg To Fall In Love With Thee, My Lord

I beg to fall in love with thee, my Lord

With every breath of life I take

I beg to fall in love with thee, my Lord

Its every beat, I to thee forsake

For even if my thoughts fall short of knowing you

And even if my will runs terrified

Your passion thins the darkness of my soul

Sheds it light, breathes it life, stills the murmur of the night

For even if my heart falls short of loving you

And even if my spirit hides away

Your love for me surpasses all my fear

All I do, all I am, all that I can ever be

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4DB4FD8rHY
Lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ay1dJlkHcM

Of moving on and a new chapter ahead ❤

"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, "I don't care how hard this is, I don't care how disappointed I am, I'm not going to let this get the best of me. I'm moving on with my life." ― J. Osteen

Thank you to that awesome guy up there who allowed me strength to accept what I thought I cannot. Yes, I have moved on with my life and will continue to keep moving forward. Time runs even without the people we want to be with, life goes on even without the things we've always wanted to have. Working for the best, prepared for the worst. Keep living, head on. ☻

LOVER and GIVER

A quality of a great lover is being able to GIVE.

Sometimes we give, whatever in kind it may be, without being reciprocated and we only get hurt in return. But then again, the good news is that we are able to share our blessings, not that we are the ones who need to ask.

Jesus loved us by laying down his life for us. We were loved without being asked for anything in return! And the best part is that He continues to love us without getting tired!

May we be able to share this kind of love to our brothers and sisters..

God loves you! Spread the love! And oh, Happy Feast of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus! :) ♥

Photo Credit: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=571923339505652&set=a.303050809726241.74749.107374112627246&type=1&theater 

Talisay City's Candidates' Forum

http://www.sunstar.com.ph/cebu/local-news/2013/04/29/debate-turns-yell-match-279935

April 27, 2013 - Talisay City

It was a Saturday night perfectly apt to go out with friends. Instead, I chose to stay at home with my parents. Good thing was that my dad was planning to attend to this candidates' forum which was held at the covered court beside the city parish. This has been organized by the brotherhood in cooperation with the Knights of Columbus of which my dad is a member of. I had my hopes up that I would be able to witness a stimulating activity and learn more about the running candidates.

Much to my surprise, once the forum ticked off, only few candidates were there and mostly were from  the Liberal Party. Only one sole councilor candidate, Mayor Fernandez, from the rival party came up. There were no whereabouts for his other partymates, or perhaps they just had prior engagements which they need to attend to. 

The candidates started to introduce themselves in a three minute time allotted to each of them, of which I found unnecessarily long. Most of them only blamed and pointed out issues and flaws in the current leadership instead of presenting concrete actions and solutions to solve them. They did give an empty promise that the city would be in better hands once they're elected. Well there were few, and I mean FEW (less than the number in your one hand, THAT few) who presented their plans and visions if given the chance to be elected as an official. 

Given that, it was exceptionally amusing how their supporters cheer for them, loudly, even when their speech, which was expressed in vernacular, didn't made any sense. What was more annoying was that the supporters were too noisy cheering for their candidate that the speech of the said person won't be heard in the area clearly. I was shaking my head with disgust the entire time I was there (it was my first to attend such kind of gathering by the way) knowing that these candidates would vanish into thin air from the streets right after election time. They'd be comfortably sitting in their AC office and forget what they have promised during the campaign period. Every single time. And people don't learn from it. Most of those who were there were the masses. People who give an impression that all they care is the fame and fortune of the candidate. They can't even keep their mouth shut and open their ears all the while the candidate is delivering his piece. For all we know, those same supporters are the very people who complain about how they merely survive in a day to day basis. Both scenarios, the candidate giving his empty promise and the supporter cheering albeit the content of the speech, are very disappointing. 

Who expects change when people themselves play the same game with the same distorted rules?

Upgrading the Qualifications of an Elective National Official

          Even before the implementation of the 1987 Constitution, politics in the Philippines has long been influenced as to who already held positions in the government. But as time progressed, we notice that there are many  new names wanting to involve themselves in running and making laws in our beloved country, or so we assume..

          It is evident, especially in this on going national elections, that these aspiring politicians are backed by different organizations and party lists. With this in mind, we can say that these figures have been chosen as the best representatives from the organizations where they respectively come from. If not coming from various organizations and sectors, most national candidates have already held a position in the local government. Having an experience as a leader, whether  serving a private or a public domain, is an important factor in being qualified to run as a national official. This experience can be further used as an asset once such will be elected in the seat. Having none on the contrary, even in the private sector, hinders an official from genuinely understanding the concrete needs of his fellow citizens and thereby unable to formulate laws in addressing their urgent concerns.

          Along with this experience, the track record and scholastic distinction of an aspiring candidate should also be scrutinized as this is an important factor of his ability to serve the people. Age won't matter as much once his track record will be reviewed as this will prove how much he's done as a good citizen of the republic. Scholastic distinction, not necessarily pertaining to honors and awards, this may also be being active in organizations with various causes, is also considered an important factor in being considered as a qualified national official. This would reflect his interests which in turn can affect his decision making in the position he would be elected to.

          Most importantly, it would be helpful if a national candidate presents his plans, platforms and proposals even before being officially seated so that even at the earliest time, citizens would be able to assess, and judge,  whether that aspiring national official has the heart to serve the country and the people because in the very first place, they are elected in order to make the country a better place to live in and to help the citizens progress individually and not leaving anyone behind.

Love and Every Word in my Thoughts, or Most Likely

Found this in one of the folders of the station which I am using right now #Row17PC11
It talks about love love love and it's conflicts in following the Divine Will, or something. *wink  ;)
In one way or another, I find it speaking in behalf of myself - in every word stated.

Traditional religious practices are important: they allow us to share with others the communal experience of adoration and prayer. But we must never forget that spiritual experience is above all a practical experience of love. And with love, there are NO RULES.

Some may try to control their emotions and develop strategies for their behavior; others may turn to reading books of advice from "experts" on relationships but this is all folly. The heart decides, and what it decides is all that really matters.

 All of us have had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." 

• We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. 
• We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. 
• We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules. 

But ultimately there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth. The more we love, the closer we come to spiritual experience.

Those who are truly enlightened, those whose souls are illuminated by love, have been able to overcome all the inhibitions and preconceptions of their era. They have been able to sing, to laugh, and to pray out loud; they have danced and shared what Saint Paul called "the madness of saintliness." They have been joyful because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender.

 Sooner or later, we have to overcome our fears, because the spiritual path can only be travelled through the daily experience of love. Thomas Merton once said that the spiritual life is essentially to love. One doesn't love in order to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way, we are perceiving the other as a simple object, and we are seeing ourselves as wise and generous persons. This has nothing to do with love.

To love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God.

You know what I mean? In every word stated, it portrays all that I want to say about the much overrated word LOVE.

I believe this is an excerpt from the novel By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho -my favourite author already!! The said book also have curl-up-in-bed-while-sobbing-and-reminiscing and life-realization kind of quotes which everyone should give a minute to read. HAHA ♥

I'm off to my five-day long vacation now in a place where I haven't been ever to and with people I didn't know I'd even meet - all thanks to the generousness of the Lord! Let's see how this goes! ;)

SKILLS

On Writing

This only seems to work when I have a lot in mind and I have no one to talk to. Or make that, one of those days when I don't want to speak. And so I rant and write nonsense random stuffs, whichever comes into my mind first. Like this one.

On Cooking

There were very rare instances when I cooked for someone out of passion: that was only twice as I can remember. One was for ex boyfie where the attempt of baking failed. I ended up buying something instead and the other one was when someone came over at the house and wanted us to cook together. Talk about LOVE.

I never cooked for myself or for my parents out of necessity. There's always food somewhere else which I can buy. But cooking FOR someone is different. There's that happy feeling during the process of mixing the ingredients. I don't know when I can cook again on the criteria of passion. I buy food for survival and eat junk food if worse comes to worst. 

I believe that the skill of cooking comes with the ability to identify flavors. Yeah. I always loved coffee. I like the way how it makes my heart palpitate, FAST. Along with my love for coffee, I want to mix a good one for myself. But my attempts have failed. I have asked a few friends how they mix their own and did try it at one point in time. I've got used to the coffee taste but my palate is looking for a certain flavour. I'd actually go for the 3-in-1 Brown Coffee mix of Kopiko than the ones I had mixed so far. So sad.

The best coffee I tasted was when we visited the Archbishop's Palace. The Archbishop himself mixed the coffee for us. It was like magic. And uh, after that, I can't find any better cup of coffee.

Therefore I conclude, I can't mix a perfect coffee for my own sake, how can I even make a decent home cooked meal. Horrah!

Oh yeah, Dad's a very good cook. He's my favorite! He always cooks when he's at home. Blame him my eating skills! Weeeee~ :D

Other Skills?

When you talk about singing, dancing and art skills, nah. You can leave me out of it! I'd probably just make a huge disaster initiating those :))

On Tech

Let's say this job I have right now. It's better than anything else. I can imagine myself dealing with PC's than counting numbers. Hmmmm.. Speaking of which, I still have a lot of modules to study for my Tier 2 Certification. I don't think I'm going to pass though. But for the sake of learning, studying would be a good option. It's funny how my batchmates participate in the discussion and lab works. While I, stare at the monitor / trainer and the obvious comes out that my brain is not processing anything. On an exaggerated note, that gives one an idea. :))